We met at a most luxurious space, Bellocq on the King's Road, Chelsea. We spent two delicious hours tasting teas and describing our ideas of luxury. There were many thoughts mixed in to create a blend of experiences that, to our group typifies, luxury.
Ideas of a luxurious experience ranged from a private yacht with a crew to take you anywhere in the world to the simplicity of the luxury of time to spend with friends. The idea of being able to go to the cinema during the day was seen as an act of luxury.
Luxury was discussed in the context of being earned or achieved, where for some this was 'wrong' and luxury should have no such attachments, for others, this was part of the pleasure; a reward for hard work, an indulgent sanctuary.
The idea of luxury being a feeling was explored and expanded to mean a feeling that lasted, rather than a quick fix feeling of the latest 'must have' item.
One discussion led to the observation that we may 'say' one thing and 'do' another. We may 'say' we like the simple things in life, but actually be demonstrating through our purchases that we 'buy' our luxuries. In other words we may be hypocrites.
The subject of art came up and one of our group had the understanding that some buy into art as a symbol of success rather than a real love of it and others buy it for its own intrinsic quality and the feelings it evokes. For some they buy something that symbolises status as they have been schooled by our culture in this way.
Love was mentioned as the ultimate luxury and another felt this would be a complete contradiction to their idea of luxury. Love was a necessity, not a luxury.
We then wondered if we were putting too much pressure on the word 'luxury' and perhaps this was distorting our understanding of how to be happy and fulfilled.
The same level of discussion was reached when we thought of 'childhood' as a luxury. This again was seen as a right and not as a luxury. It was also discussed that each generation's ideals change and the desires change. Each generation treasures items that are scarce and these may change over time.
One person had been to the Gambia and shared the contrasting culture of ownership and security where anything could be taken by the State. The lack of laws and the randomness of society created a different set of values and suggested that security and a society with infrastructure could be seen as a luxury. However it was also seen as interesting that in many poorer countries people didn't necessarily see themselves as poor or there wasn't any sense of being poor. This was felt to be different to a city such as London where people had levels of debt or there was greater levels of obvious difference in lifestyles.
Time was seen as the ultimate luxury by many, the time to spend with friends, the time to be alone, the time to choose. In fact the luxury of being able to choose a government was contemplated as something many people on the planet strive towards. So this took the conversation to a point where luxury was linked to control... to have control over one's life was the valuable luxury we are all seeking.
There was another line of conversation which identified some of the style and lifestyle of Italy and France to be luxurious and more generous with their devotion to food and their attitude to life itself being more luxurious. The rituals and experiences of shared mealtimes, social gatherings and cooking.
When we discussed how to make our lives more luxurious one person brought in their experience of caring for an elderly relative as being a wonderful experience and that to be able to offer her a graceful and meaningful 'end of days' was a luxury. Many felt that to bring more quality to the smaller aspects of life, shopping, choosing food and to allow ourselves the luxury of doing a job properly and not just cobbling it together was something to be desired.
Ultimately it was seen that we could live more luxuriously if we simply lived for the moment, every moment.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Luxury
Thanks to everyone who joined us last night for a night of luxury. Conversation and tea tasting.
Michael and Ravi at Bellocq were wonderful in sharing their interest and understanding of the variety of teas and tastes. We'll be writing up the notes of the night and posting them up very shortly.
Michael and Ravi at Bellocq were wonderful in sharing their interest and understanding of the variety of teas and tastes. We'll be writing up the notes of the night and posting them up very shortly.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Not Just A Pretty Face
Here goes:
Outcomes of the Conversation
“Not Just A Pretty Face”
15th March 2010
New Players Theatre, London
Here, at last, is a summary of the many conversations and points of view expressed during our evening together. Each Conversation Summary is supported by the actual notes from the boards that experts used in deciding which points to bring to the stage.
Dr Linda Papadopoulos chaired the event and opened the session by explaining her personal and professional commitment to shedding more light on the subject. As a mother, as a psychologist and as a clinician she was bringing her experiences together to challenge current stereotypes, cultural trends and highlighting the resulting problems in society and daily life.
Dianne Nelmes made the point for the Media conversation that women are often their own worst enemy. She had experienced this herself with 'women who don't like other women'. It was also expressed within the group that women can become extreme when they do reach the boardroom. At one end of the spectrum 'apologetic' and at the other 'overly aggressive'. The group also wondered if current media 'pairings' on TV of an older man (Bruce Forsythe) with a younger woman (Tess Daly) would be acceptable if reversed, with a younger man and an older woman. It was believed that we have also become extreme in our fascination for media images of attractive women and that this is disturbing in an age of greater freedom of expression leading to too much influence on the younger generation to achieve the perfect physical appearance.
Media:
• Support each other
• Women in the board room
• Image – Bruce Forsyth with Tess Daly?
--------------
Dr Malcolm Evans led the Culture conversation and pulled out the point that it was more important to look at issues of power and control than gender. That this was the struggle and where there was an opportunity for a new way of re-balancing the divide. The view was held that whereas men were overtly competitive women had learnt to compete covertly, talking behind each other's back rather than being openly competitive. The conversation also stated the need to celebrate difference rather than stick to the narrow 'equality' lens of the past.
Culture:
• Distortion of femininity (e.g. Mumsnet) from supportive to bullying – would balance help? – over versus covert competition
• Power and control almost more important to address than gender differences – nature versus culture
• Peace and reconciliation – we need to recognize and celebrate differences both within women and male versus female
--------------
Interestingly Davina James-Hanman's conversation on Social Policy also took 'power' as its central point. This conversation also recognised the need for a joined up approach in social policy which brings media into the mix rather than simply being on the 'outside looking in' or just 'reflecting' the world. This is a topic in its own right as it has fundamental issues and points of principle entangled within it. There was also a realisation that boys need to brought into the discussion too, parents can empower their sons to have a broader and more enlightened perspective.
Social policy:
• How do we preserve “feminine” values whilst seizing power (are there feminine values?)
• Give girls dreams beyond looking good – change boys’ behaviors, too
• “Parenthood” not “motherhood”
• Social policy change not enough – need public education and supportive media, and some heavy-handed legislation / social policy
---------------
Karen Darby led the conversation on Entrepreneurship which created the insight that often women believe they have to be the expert in the enterprise rather than simply be able to exploit the market opportunity. This was illustrated particularly well by a well respected Yoga teacher who has a male competitor who cannot teach at all, however understands how to commercialise the service very well. Karen's group again echoed the need for women to support each other more. Their group came up with the idea of 'unity not uniformity' which resonated widely which again challenged the idea of 'equality' meaning 'the same as.'
Entrepreneurship
• Women are interested in baking the pie versus taking a slice of it
• Does “equal” mean “same as”?
• Nurture each other
---------------
Kresse Wesling lead a conversation on the Environment and brought to the stage the idea that we all need to be more pro-actively involved in the environment and ask questions as consumers, citizens and voters. This group believed that grassroots movements in local communities fitted with the way we can create change and progress in this area. Learn in small ways and then upscale them to create successful, sustainable environmental enterprises. They also asked for a refocus on seeing security in terms of the ecosystem and man's place on the planet rather than simply as military power.
Environment
• Engage positively, pro-actively as consumers, citizens, voters
• Build networks – successful local ideas / actions and upscale them (e.g. community power)
• Redefine security (human, eco not military power)
---------------
At the final plenary conversation, lead by Dr Linda Papadopoulos, the key thoughts that came through were:
• Working together with difference – widen out the gender issue away from equality to equal yet different
• Engaging with politicians in issues that matter to us e.g. environment – use conventional political process to make change
• Women supporting women and liking women, stopping the ‘covert’ competition, helping each other succeed like men do
• Making a difference within our circle of influence, start to change attitudes, support the change process
• Talking to our sons as well as our daughters, (this one got a chocolate cupcake as reward) respect all that women do including motherhood
• Valuing motherhood like a profession (ref passport applications which do not reflect this)
• Finding new ways of having conversations – removing polarity
• Unity not uniformity – don’t all have to be the same – in this way social norms change.
At each Candied Thinking event, no matter which topic we cover, we receive generous feedback on how we can improve and learn from the experience. We thank everyone for their participation and their generosity of spirit and sharing their ideas and ideals.
Please comment on the blog, correct any errors or add to any points that you may care to.
Watch out for more Candied Thinking events coming soon, starting with Luxury on 12th April 2010.
Outcomes of the Conversation
“Not Just A Pretty Face”
15th March 2010
New Players Theatre, London
Here, at last, is a summary of the many conversations and points of view expressed during our evening together. Each Conversation Summary is supported by the actual notes from the boards that experts used in deciding which points to bring to the stage.
Dr Linda Papadopoulos chaired the event and opened the session by explaining her personal and professional commitment to shedding more light on the subject. As a mother, as a psychologist and as a clinician she was bringing her experiences together to challenge current stereotypes, cultural trends and highlighting the resulting problems in society and daily life.
Dianne Nelmes made the point for the Media conversation that women are often their own worst enemy. She had experienced this herself with 'women who don't like other women'. It was also expressed within the group that women can become extreme when they do reach the boardroom. At one end of the spectrum 'apologetic' and at the other 'overly aggressive'. The group also wondered if current media 'pairings' on TV of an older man (Bruce Forsythe) with a younger woman (Tess Daly) would be acceptable if reversed, with a younger man and an older woman. It was believed that we have also become extreme in our fascination for media images of attractive women and that this is disturbing in an age of greater freedom of expression leading to too much influence on the younger generation to achieve the perfect physical appearance.
Media:
• Support each other
• Women in the board room
• Image – Bruce Forsyth with Tess Daly?
--------------
Dr Malcolm Evans led the Culture conversation and pulled out the point that it was more important to look at issues of power and control than gender. That this was the struggle and where there was an opportunity for a new way of re-balancing the divide. The view was held that whereas men were overtly competitive women had learnt to compete covertly, talking behind each other's back rather than being openly competitive. The conversation also stated the need to celebrate difference rather than stick to the narrow 'equality' lens of the past.
Culture:
• Distortion of femininity (e.g. Mumsnet) from supportive to bullying – would balance help? – over versus covert competition
• Power and control almost more important to address than gender differences – nature versus culture
• Peace and reconciliation – we need to recognize and celebrate differences both within women and male versus female
--------------
Interestingly Davina James-Hanman's conversation on Social Policy also took 'power' as its central point. This conversation also recognised the need for a joined up approach in social policy which brings media into the mix rather than simply being on the 'outside looking in' or just 'reflecting' the world. This is a topic in its own right as it has fundamental issues and points of principle entangled within it. There was also a realisation that boys need to brought into the discussion too, parents can empower their sons to have a broader and more enlightened perspective.
Social policy:
• How do we preserve “feminine” values whilst seizing power (are there feminine values?)
• Give girls dreams beyond looking good – change boys’ behaviors, too
• “Parenthood” not “motherhood”
• Social policy change not enough – need public education and supportive media, and some heavy-handed legislation / social policy
---------------
Karen Darby led the conversation on Entrepreneurship which created the insight that often women believe they have to be the expert in the enterprise rather than simply be able to exploit the market opportunity. This was illustrated particularly well by a well respected Yoga teacher who has a male competitor who cannot teach at all, however understands how to commercialise the service very well. Karen's group again echoed the need for women to support each other more. Their group came up with the idea of 'unity not uniformity' which resonated widely which again challenged the idea of 'equality' meaning 'the same as.'
Entrepreneurship
• Women are interested in baking the pie versus taking a slice of it
• Does “equal” mean “same as”?
• Nurture each other
---------------
Kresse Wesling lead a conversation on the Environment and brought to the stage the idea that we all need to be more pro-actively involved in the environment and ask questions as consumers, citizens and voters. This group believed that grassroots movements in local communities fitted with the way we can create change and progress in this area. Learn in small ways and then upscale them to create successful, sustainable environmental enterprises. They also asked for a refocus on seeing security in terms of the ecosystem and man's place on the planet rather than simply as military power.
Environment
• Engage positively, pro-actively as consumers, citizens, voters
• Build networks – successful local ideas / actions and upscale them (e.g. community power)
• Redefine security (human, eco not military power)
---------------
At the final plenary conversation, lead by Dr Linda Papadopoulos, the key thoughts that came through were:
• Working together with difference – widen out the gender issue away from equality to equal yet different
• Engaging with politicians in issues that matter to us e.g. environment – use conventional political process to make change
• Women supporting women and liking women, stopping the ‘covert’ competition, helping each other succeed like men do
• Making a difference within our circle of influence, start to change attitudes, support the change process
• Talking to our sons as well as our daughters, (this one got a chocolate cupcake as reward) respect all that women do including motherhood
• Valuing motherhood like a profession (ref passport applications which do not reflect this)
• Finding new ways of having conversations – removing polarity
• Unity not uniformity – don’t all have to be the same – in this way social norms change.
At each Candied Thinking event, no matter which topic we cover, we receive generous feedback on how we can improve and learn from the experience. We thank everyone for their participation and their generosity of spirit and sharing their ideas and ideals.
Please comment on the blog, correct any errors or add to any points that you may care to.
Watch out for more Candied Thinking events coming soon, starting with Luxury on 12th April 2010.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Not Just A Pretty Face
We'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who participated last night. Both on the stage, in the stalls and behind the scenes. Anyone who has ever held a party knows that a lot goes into it and we're so delighted that such a lot has come out of it. We are writing up the notes and the key thoughts from last night and will be posting them shortly. Any comments from you are warmly welcomed. Participation is what makes the Candied Thinking events come to life and that's
the same here.
the same here.
Friday, 26 February 2010
New Report by Dr Linda Papadopoulos out today
Dr Linda Papadopoulos launches her review on the effects of the sexualisation of young people today. She shows the connection with violence against women and girls. Dr Linda is joining us at Not Just A Pretty Face to help us have a better conversation about this very important social issue. Please make time to be part of the conversation. We can't do it without you.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8537757.stm
Book your tickets for Not Just A Pretty Face on www.newplayerstheatre.com
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8537757.stm
Book your tickets for Not Just A Pretty Face on www.newplayerstheatre.com
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Social Networking
On Wednesday we had a conversation which was described in the visitor's book “As sweet as a cupcake, as heart-warming as a cuppa, and as controversial as the Boston Tea Party", so we seem to be getting the pot boiling nicely. Here are the notes from the conversation...
Social networking and the internet
What we love
Social networks are empowering! You can connect with anyone, anywhere. You can access the “long tail” of information. You can learning about anything. It’s free! There are no barriers to getting in / getting involved. It enables people in remote and poor countries in new ways. It provides unprecedented choice. It has the potential to affect massive social change. It’s transparent.
What we’re not so sure about
There are a lot of nutcases out there... You don’t know who’s who. Working out who is “for real” requires different skills and behaviours online than face to face. Some of us are afraid that if we engage too much online, we / society will forget how to engage in person. It sometimes feels “too easy” - all that access, all that information, has all that opportunity has exacerbated our culture of instant gratification and superficiality?
Some thoughts
How different is interacting on the web from interacting face to face? We filter, based on certain characteristics – when face to face, we filter by look, body language, etc and sometimes those visual triggers get in the way of our connecting with the other person. On the web, those layers don’t exist – or do they? How do we know who’s authentic in person? How do we know who’s authentic online? In each case, we decide based on lots of factors... That won’t ever change.
Is it possible to get to know someone well through the web? Is it only our “best selves” that tweet, email and blog, and is that a fair or realistic perspective on someone?
Some of us have head great experiences, some of us have had weird experiences... That’s true virtually and live! Some of us have made friends online, and met them only a year later! Some of us have met boyfriends or husbands online, was he/she what we expected?
Our questions
what are the new codes of behaviour for a mixed media world?
how do we learn how to use social networks in a productive way?
how do we work out who is “safe” and who is not?
how is it really affecting society, especially younger generations who have grown up with it?
Social networking and the internet
What we love
Social networks are empowering! You can connect with anyone, anywhere. You can access the “long tail” of information. You can learning about anything. It’s free! There are no barriers to getting in / getting involved. It enables people in remote and poor countries in new ways. It provides unprecedented choice. It has the potential to affect massive social change. It’s transparent.
What we’re not so sure about
There are a lot of nutcases out there... You don’t know who’s who. Working out who is “for real” requires different skills and behaviours online than face to face. Some of us are afraid that if we engage too much online, we / society will forget how to engage in person. It sometimes feels “too easy” - all that access, all that information, has all that opportunity has exacerbated our culture of instant gratification and superficiality?
Some thoughts
How different is interacting on the web from interacting face to face? We filter, based on certain characteristics – when face to face, we filter by look, body language, etc and sometimes those visual triggers get in the way of our connecting with the other person. On the web, those layers don’t exist – or do they? How do we know who’s authentic in person? How do we know who’s authentic online? In each case, we decide based on lots of factors... That won’t ever change.
Is it possible to get to know someone well through the web? Is it only our “best selves” that tweet, email and blog, and is that a fair or realistic perspective on someone?
Some of us have head great experiences, some of us have had weird experiences... That’s true virtually and live! Some of us have made friends online, and met them only a year later! Some of us have met boyfriends or husbands online, was he/she what we expected?
Our questions
what are the new codes of behaviour for a mixed media world?
how do we learn how to use social networks in a productive way?
how do we work out who is “safe” and who is not?
how is it really affecting society, especially younger generations who have grown up with it?
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Candied Thinking - Social Networking
Thanks to everyone who made the time to come to The London Sketch Club and to share their views of social networking and its risks and rewards. We'll be updating the blog shortly - check back again soon.
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