Not Just A Pretty Face

Here goes:

Outcomes of the Conversation
“Not Just A Pretty Face”
15th March 2010
New Players Theatre, London

Here, at last, is a summary of the many conversations and points of view expressed during our evening together. Each Conversation Summary is supported by the actual notes from the boards that experts used in deciding which points to bring to the stage.

Dr Linda Papadopoulos chaired the event and opened the session by explaining her personal and professional commitment to shedding more light on the subject. As a mother, as a psychologist and as a clinician she was bringing her experiences together to challenge current stereotypes, cultural trends and highlighting the resulting problems in society and daily life.

Dianne Nelmes made the point for the Media conversation that women are often their own worst enemy. She had experienced this herself with 'women who don't like other women'. It was also expressed within the group that women can become extreme when they do reach the boardroom. At one end of the spectrum 'apologetic' and at the other 'overly aggressive'. The group also wondered if current media 'pairings' on TV of an older man (Bruce Forsythe) with a younger woman (Tess Daly) would be acceptable if reversed, with a younger man and an older woman. It was believed that we have also become extreme in our fascination for media images of attractive women and that this is disturbing in an age of greater freedom of expression leading to too much influence on the younger generation to achieve the perfect physical appearance.

Media:
• Support each other
• Women in the board room
• Image – Bruce Forsyth with Tess Daly?

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Dr Malcolm Evans led the Culture conversation and pulled out the point that it was more important to look at issues of power and control than gender. That this was the struggle and where there was an opportunity for a new way of re-balancing the divide. The view was held that whereas men were overtly competitive women had learnt to compete covertly, talking behind each other's back rather than being openly competitive. The conversation also stated the need to celebrate difference rather than stick to the narrow 'equality' lens of the past.

Culture:
• Distortion of femininity (e.g. Mumsnet) from supportive to bullying – would balance help? – over versus covert competition
• Power and control almost more important to address than gender differences – nature versus culture
• Peace and reconciliation – we need to recognize and celebrate differences both within women and male versus female

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Interestingly Davina James-Hanman's conversation on Social Policy also took 'power' as its central point. This conversation also recognised the need for a joined up approach in social policy which brings media into the mix rather than simply being on the 'outside looking in' or just 'reflecting' the world. This is a topic in its own right as it has fundamental issues and points of principle entangled within it. There was also a realisation that boys need to brought into the discussion too, parents can empower their sons to have a broader and more enlightened perspective.

Social policy:
• How do we preserve “feminine” values whilst seizing power (are there feminine values?)
• Give girls dreams beyond looking good – change boys’ behaviors, too
• “Parenthood” not “motherhood”
• Social policy change not enough – need public education and supportive media, and some heavy-handed legislation / social policy

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Karen Darby led the conversation on Entrepreneurship which created the insight that often women believe they have to be the expert in the enterprise rather than simply be able to exploit the market opportunity. This was illustrated particularly well by a well respected Yoga teacher who has a male competitor who cannot teach at all, however understands how to commercialise the service very well. Karen's group again echoed the need for women to support each other more. Their group came up with the idea of 'unity not uniformity' which resonated widely which again challenged the idea of 'equality' meaning 'the same as.'

Entrepreneurship
• Women are interested in baking the pie versus taking a slice of it
• Does “equal” mean “same as”?
• Nurture each other

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Kresse Wesling lead a conversation on the Environment and brought to the stage the idea that we all need to be more pro-actively involved in the environment and ask questions as consumers, citizens and voters. This group believed that grassroots movements in local communities fitted with the way we can create change and progress in this area. Learn in small ways and then upscale them to create successful, sustainable environmental enterprises. They also asked for a refocus on seeing security in terms of the ecosystem and man's place on the planet rather than simply as military power.

Environment
• Engage positively, pro-actively as consumers, citizens, voters
• Build networks – successful local ideas / actions and upscale them (e.g. community power)
• Redefine security (human, eco not military power)

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At the final plenary conversation, lead by Dr Linda Papadopoulos, the key thoughts that came through were:

• Working together with difference – widen out the gender issue away from equality to equal yet different
• Engaging with politicians in issues that matter to us e.g. environment – use conventional political process to make change
• Women supporting women and liking women, stopping the ‘covert’ competition, helping each other succeed like men do
• Making a difference within our circle of influence, start to change attitudes, support the change process
• Talking to our sons as well as our daughters, (this one got a chocolate cupcake as reward) respect all that women do including motherhood
• Valuing motherhood like a profession (ref passport applications which do not reflect this)
• Finding new ways of having conversations – removing polarity
• Unity not uniformity – don’t all have to be the same – in this way social norms change.

At each Candied Thinking event, no matter which topic we cover, we receive generous feedback on how we can improve and learn from the experience. We thank everyone for their participation and their generosity of spirit and sharing their ideas and ideals.

Please comment on the blog, correct any errors or add to any points that you may care to.

Watch out for more Candied Thinking events coming soon, starting with Luxury on 12th April 2010.