Not Just A Pretty Face

Here goes:

Outcomes of the Conversation
“Not Just A Pretty Face”
15th March 2010
New Players Theatre, London

Here, at last, is a summary of the many conversations and points of view expressed during our evening together. Each Conversation Summary is supported by the actual notes from the boards that experts used in deciding which points to bring to the stage.

Dr Linda Papadopoulos chaired the event and opened the session by explaining her personal and professional commitment to shedding more light on the subject. As a mother, as a psychologist and as a clinician she was bringing her experiences together to challenge current stereotypes, cultural trends and highlighting the resulting problems in society and daily life.

Dianne Nelmes made the point for the Media conversation that women are often their own worst enemy. She had experienced this herself with 'women who don't like other women'. It was also expressed within the group that women can become extreme when they do reach the boardroom. At one end of the spectrum 'apologetic' and at the other 'overly aggressive'. The group also wondered if current media 'pairings' on TV of an older man (Bruce Forsythe) with a younger woman (Tess Daly) would be acceptable if reversed, with a younger man and an older woman. It was believed that we have also become extreme in our fascination for media images of attractive women and that this is disturbing in an age of greater freedom of expression leading to too much influence on the younger generation to achieve the perfect physical appearance.

Media:
• Support each other
• Women in the board room
• Image – Bruce Forsyth with Tess Daly?

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Dr Malcolm Evans led the Culture conversation and pulled out the point that it was more important to look at issues of power and control than gender. That this was the struggle and where there was an opportunity for a new way of re-balancing the divide. The view was held that whereas men were overtly competitive women had learnt to compete covertly, talking behind each other's back rather than being openly competitive. The conversation also stated the need to celebrate difference rather than stick to the narrow 'equality' lens of the past.

Culture:
• Distortion of femininity (e.g. Mumsnet) from supportive to bullying – would balance help? – over versus covert competition
• Power and control almost more important to address than gender differences – nature versus culture
• Peace and reconciliation – we need to recognize and celebrate differences both within women and male versus female

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Interestingly Davina James-Hanman's conversation on Social Policy also took 'power' as its central point. This conversation also recognised the need for a joined up approach in social policy which brings media into the mix rather than simply being on the 'outside looking in' or just 'reflecting' the world. This is a topic in its own right as it has fundamental issues and points of principle entangled within it. There was also a realisation that boys need to brought into the discussion too, parents can empower their sons to have a broader and more enlightened perspective.

Social policy:
• How do we preserve “feminine” values whilst seizing power (are there feminine values?)
• Give girls dreams beyond looking good – change boys’ behaviors, too
• “Parenthood” not “motherhood”
• Social policy change not enough – need public education and supportive media, and some heavy-handed legislation / social policy

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Karen Darby led the conversation on Entrepreneurship which created the insight that often women believe they have to be the expert in the enterprise rather than simply be able to exploit the market opportunity. This was illustrated particularly well by a well respected Yoga teacher who has a male competitor who cannot teach at all, however understands how to commercialise the service very well. Karen's group again echoed the need for women to support each other more. Their group came up with the idea of 'unity not uniformity' which resonated widely which again challenged the idea of 'equality' meaning 'the same as.'

Entrepreneurship
• Women are interested in baking the pie versus taking a slice of it
• Does “equal” mean “same as”?
• Nurture each other

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Kresse Wesling lead a conversation on the Environment and brought to the stage the idea that we all need to be more pro-actively involved in the environment and ask questions as consumers, citizens and voters. This group believed that grassroots movements in local communities fitted with the way we can create change and progress in this area. Learn in small ways and then upscale them to create successful, sustainable environmental enterprises. They also asked for a refocus on seeing security in terms of the ecosystem and man's place on the planet rather than simply as military power.

Environment
• Engage positively, pro-actively as consumers, citizens, voters
• Build networks – successful local ideas / actions and upscale them (e.g. community power)
• Redefine security (human, eco not military power)

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At the final plenary conversation, lead by Dr Linda Papadopoulos, the key thoughts that came through were:

• Working together with difference – widen out the gender issue away from equality to equal yet different
• Engaging with politicians in issues that matter to us e.g. environment – use conventional political process to make change
• Women supporting women and liking women, stopping the ‘covert’ competition, helping each other succeed like men do
• Making a difference within our circle of influence, start to change attitudes, support the change process
• Talking to our sons as well as our daughters, (this one got a chocolate cupcake as reward) respect all that women do including motherhood
• Valuing motherhood like a profession (ref passport applications which do not reflect this)
• Finding new ways of having conversations – removing polarity
• Unity not uniformity – don’t all have to be the same – in this way social norms change.

At each Candied Thinking event, no matter which topic we cover, we receive generous feedback on how we can improve and learn from the experience. We thank everyone for their participation and their generosity of spirit and sharing their ideas and ideals.

Please comment on the blog, correct any errors or add to any points that you may care to.

Watch out for more Candied Thinking events coming soon, starting with Luxury on 12th April 2010.

Not Just A Pretty Face

We'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who participated last night. Both on the stage, in the stalls and behind the scenes. Anyone who has ever held a party knows that a lot goes into it and we're so delighted that such a lot has come out of it. We are writing up the notes and the key thoughts from last night and will be posting them shortly. Any comments from you are warmly welcomed. Participation is what makes the Candied Thinking events come to life and that's
the same here.

New Report by Dr Linda Papadopoulos out today

Dr Linda Papadopoulos launches her review on the effects of the sexualisation of young people today. She shows the connection with violence against women and girls. Dr Linda is joining us at Not Just A Pretty Face to help us have a better conversation about this very important social issue. Please make time to be part of the conversation. We can't do it without you.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8537757.stm

Book your tickets for Not Just A Pretty Face on www.newplayerstheatre.com

Social Networking

On Wednesday we had a conversation which was described in the visitor's book “As sweet as a cupcake, as heart-warming as a cuppa, and as controversial as the Boston Tea Party", so we seem to be getting the pot boiling nicely. Here are the notes from the conversation...

Social networking and the internet

What we love
Social networks are empowering! You can connect with anyone, anywhere. You can access the “long tail” of information. You can learning about anything. It’s free! There are no barriers to getting in / getting involved. It enables people in remote and poor countries in new ways. It provides unprecedented choice. It has the potential to affect massive social change. It’s transparent.

What we’re not so sure about
There are a lot of nutcases out there... You don’t know who’s who. Working out who is “for real” requires different skills and behaviours online than face to face. Some of us are afraid that if we engage too much online, we / society will forget how to engage in person. It sometimes feels “too easy” - all that access, all that information, has all that opportunity has exacerbated our culture of instant gratification and superficiality?

Some thoughts
How different is interacting on the web from interacting face to face? We filter, based on certain characteristics – when face to face, we filter by look, body language, etc and sometimes those visual triggers get in the way of our connecting with the other person. On the web, those layers don’t exist – or do they? How do we know who’s authentic in person? How do we know who’s authentic online? In each case, we decide based on lots of factors... That won’t ever change.
Is it possible to get to know someone well through the web? Is it only our “best selves” that tweet, email and blog, and is that a fair or realistic perspective on someone?
Some of us have head great experiences, some of us have had weird experiences... That’s true virtually and live! Some of us have made friends online, and met them only a year later! Some of us have met boyfriends or husbands online, was he/she what we expected?

Our questions
what are the new codes of behaviour for a mixed media world?
how do we learn how to use social networks in a productive way?
how do we work out who is “safe” and who is not?
how is it really affecting society, especially younger generations who have grown up with it?

Candied Thinking - Social Networking

Thanks to everyone who made the time to come to The London Sketch Club and to share their views of social networking and its risks and rewards. We'll be updating the blog shortly - check back again soon.

Not Just A Pretty Face

Candied Thinking in association with Funny Women invites you to a conversation entitled:

‘Not Just A Pretty Face’
If women were running things, how would the world be different?

A Cultural Forum at the New Players Theatre Doors open 5.00pm, Conversation 5.30pm to 7.30 p.m.
Part of the ‘See You Next Tuesday’ cultural festival
Produced by Funny Women and Candied Thinking

These are tough times - we are faced with broken social support structures, a volatile economic system, continued violence against women, religious conflict and war.

Women are a powerful force in affecting change in the world. But we need to learn how to get our views heard, lead and influence at all levels. It’s not just about making decisions, but how we explain those decisions, communicate them, and use our psychological, emotional and intellectual strength to make a difference.

Any change will be aided and abetted by those things that reflect our culture – like media, music, art, film, theatre and sport. What we read, watch and talk about in our everyday lives is conveyed to our friends, family and colleagues via a new generation of social networks, both real and imagined.

As women we have to accept our own complicity in this cultural conundrum – the media reflects what we demand: celebrity, diets, fashion, cosmetics… Media content is revenue driven, so we can’t expect it to change our culture unless we demand it – until we insist on something else, we will just get more of the same.

It’s time to start changing the culture. Our discussion starts where the anger and violence ends and focuses on the future. Whether you are a creative or business person, social worker or stay-at-home mother, man or woman, you are a necessary part of this conversation: If women were running things, how would the world be different?

The line up of speakers includes:
DR. LINDA PAPADOPOULOS, is one of the foremost counselling psychologists in the UK, and is well known as a media psychologist, author, magazine columnist and corporate consultant. She recently published a review of the ‘sexualisation of women and children’ for the Home Office.
KAREN DARBY, social entrepreneur and founder of the price comparison business Simply Switch, she recently created Call Britannia and through it, is on a mission to create 10,000 jobs for the UK's unemployed.
DR. MALCOLM EVANS, semiotician, consults to major brands on cultural issues, helping them to communicate in a relevant and progressive way. Malcolm is twice winner of the Market Research Society's conference awards and winner of WPP's Atticus Grand Prix Award for outstanding published work.
DAVINA JAMES-HANMAN, director of the Greater London Domestic Violence Project. She was a Home Office advisor, and worked on the government’s strategy to stop violence against women – she has worked in the field for over 15 years.
MARAI LARASI, director of Imkaan, a national organisation that supports and advocates for Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and Refugee services as well as those experiencing violence and abuse.
DIANNE NELMES, is one of Britain’s leading lifestyle television creators. She launched the award winning This Morning; Stars in their Eyes and You’ve Been Framed and was the first Controller of Daytime television at ITV where she created the iconic daytime panel show, Loose Women.
KRESSE WESLING, is an environmental entrepreneur, founder of Bio-Supplies, Baballo, Yew Clothing and EaKo. She won the Entrepreneurial Woman of the Future award in 2007 and EaKo won the 2008 HSBC Start-Up Stars Green Award.

This forum is being hosted by leading female comedy producers, Funny Women, in partnership with the social impact initiative Candied Thinking. The event takes place on Monday, 15th March during a two week festival to celebrate International Women’s Day, See You Next Tuesday, which runs from 8th to 20th March and plays host to a programme of cultural activities based at the New Players Theatre.

Funny Women has been at the forefront of cultural change within the comedy industry for eight years. With the launch of the 2010 Funny Women Awards, there has never been more talented women active on the comedy scene. The competition has gone from strength to strength and now attracts over 250 new female comedy acts a year from across the UK and beyond. We’ve seen hundreds of new and established performers over the last eight years and shown that women really can be funny. A small, but significant step in changing comedy culture.

Candied Thinking is a social impact initiative that brings together groups of sweet natured, serious minded people to discuss important issues in a fun and light spirited way. Its main objective is to create safe environments for people to engage in issues that may be controversial or challenging. This approach, conversation not combat, supports the idea that through the right kind of conversations, we can affect social change and build the right kind of world. Candied Thinking is run by Sarah Farrugia & Noël Theodosiou, two friends and colleagues, who bring their professional experience of research and planning to real world issues.

See You Next Tuesday has been conceived by the producers of V-Day London 2008 and 2009, and is part of the global V-Day movement to end violence against women and girls in which local artists produce events and performances to raise awareness and funds. In the last two years the festival has featured innovative re-imaginings of the controversial classic The Vagina Monologues and the new collection A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer, by writer, campaigner and V-Day founder Eve Ensler.

The festival showcases fantastic feminine and feminist talent for an action-packed two weeks, and aims to encourage discussion about all aspects of violence against women, including gender, sexuality, identity, equality and more in a lavish and experimental playground of fancy.

If you have a view about the future, a passion for conversation and a desire to make change happen, join us.

Tickets £25 to include tea and cake. FOR MORE INFORMATION about this event and other shows within the festival please check out the See You Next Tuesday website www.newplayerstheatre.com. www.funnywomen.com or email stuff@sarahfarrugia.co.uk

Laughter

Thanks to all our friends who joined us at Megan's on Thursday. Here's a few of the key thoughts and ideas that came out during the evening.

Our topic was laughter:

- What makes you laugh?
- When do you lose your sense of humour?
- What can we do to put more laughter in our lives?

Laughter is infectious. Sometimes it’s surprising.

Laughter bonds people – sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. It helps us to separate ourselves from other people or manipulate people… for example, laughing at each other and therefore keeping people in or out of a conversation or group, making fun of them and bringing them down. Think of politicians, celebrities and popular culture (sometimes it’s funny to see important people brought back down to earth). Often, it is used as a defense mechanism and in the media, it can be really cruel.

We laugh a lot at ourselves, perhaps as a way of protecting our situation or excusing it.

On the positive side, laughter helps us to trivialize difficult issues. Laughter brings us together when there is tension and can diffuse it. Laughter can bond a group of people. Think about office situations and teams…

We don’t all find the same things funny – what’s that about? Cultural? Sexual? Psychological? Emotional? Intellectual?

Sometimes men use humour in different ways from women…this can affect us in the workplace. Women can be “laughed” into bed – but can men? Is it possible to have an intimate relationship without humour and laughter?

And sometimes women find it harder to be funny and be taken seriously at the same time. How and when can women use humour and laughter more effectively?

In a sense, laughter is a control mechanism in society. While it builds barriers, it can also break them down. Often, when we stop and think about it, we are not really proud about how we use humour and laughter.

Laughter is not the same as a sense of humour. You can think something is really funny, but not laugh!

Physiologically, laughter is a spontaneous reaction – it’s involuntary, it’s like sneezing! There is something really physically good about laughing – and laughter can be a therapy – how can we laugh more for our health?

Laughing is not something we do enough of! We want more of it, but we don’t focus on it… It’s feels like an impulse we have as children and then lose – like our inhibitions and our spontaneity… are we, as adults, concerned or self-conscious about laughing in ways we don’t need to be?

You can be happy without laughing, but a sense of humour can help you to find happiness despite your day to day stresses.