Laughter

Thanks to all our friends who joined us at Megan's on Thursday. Here's a few of the key thoughts and ideas that came out during the evening.

Our topic was laughter:

- What makes you laugh?
- When do you lose your sense of humour?
- What can we do to put more laughter in our lives?

Laughter is infectious. Sometimes it’s surprising.

Laughter bonds people – sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. It helps us to separate ourselves from other people or manipulate people… for example, laughing at each other and therefore keeping people in or out of a conversation or group, making fun of them and bringing them down. Think of politicians, celebrities and popular culture (sometimes it’s funny to see important people brought back down to earth). Often, it is used as a defense mechanism and in the media, it can be really cruel.

We laugh a lot at ourselves, perhaps as a way of protecting our situation or excusing it.

On the positive side, laughter helps us to trivialize difficult issues. Laughter brings us together when there is tension and can diffuse it. Laughter can bond a group of people. Think about office situations and teams…

We don’t all find the same things funny – what’s that about? Cultural? Sexual? Psychological? Emotional? Intellectual?

Sometimes men use humour in different ways from women…this can affect us in the workplace. Women can be “laughed” into bed – but can men? Is it possible to have an intimate relationship without humour and laughter?

And sometimes women find it harder to be funny and be taken seriously at the same time. How and when can women use humour and laughter more effectively?

In a sense, laughter is a control mechanism in society. While it builds barriers, it can also break them down. Often, when we stop and think about it, we are not really proud about how we use humour and laughter.

Laughter is not the same as a sense of humour. You can think something is really funny, but not laugh!

Physiologically, laughter is a spontaneous reaction – it’s involuntary, it’s like sneezing! There is something really physically good about laughing – and laughter can be a therapy – how can we laugh more for our health?

Laughing is not something we do enough of! We want more of it, but we don’t focus on it… It’s feels like an impulse we have as children and then lose – like our inhibitions and our spontaneity… are we, as adults, concerned or self-conscious about laughing in ways we don’t need to be?

You can be happy without laughing, but a sense of humour can help you to find happiness despite your day to day stresses.

A book to read

A friend gave me a lovely book for Christmas: "This is Water - Some thoughts, delivered on a significant occasion, about living a compassionate life" by David Foster Wallace. He only ever gave one commencement speech in his life, and this was it - to Kenyon College in Ohio. Check it out!

Compassion - the conversation continues...

In some ways, technology and compassion seem opposed (the internet has enabled “instant judgment”) and people don’t always think before they write, but in other ways, it is a vehicle for compassion, a window onto the world of other’s suffering and a shared platform to bring people together

Compassion is...
...looking for a common denominator
...about listening and hearing what someone is saying or feeling, not assuming
...putting yourself in someone else’s shoes

Compassion is also contagious – when someone is compassionate with you, you want to be compassionate with others, you look for something nice to do, you pass it on. It’s also an energy (ref. The concentric circles as per Confucious) - you have to be in the right space to be compassionate – you have to be a little fearless.

Compassion takes courage – and it forces us to look at things differently.

You can only be compassionate if you take down your armour / your layers of protection. Walls prohibit compassion, but a wall can’t go on forever. There is always a way to find compassion in yourself and in others.

The word 'compassion' comes from the Latin word for suffering.. With ‘com’ it means “suffering together”

When we are most compassionate, we are operating from our best selves...
...we are able to find what is good in other people

When we lack (or lose) compassion...
...is often when we are not sufficiently close to the subject of our compassion (e.g. The media is like this)

Often, we lose our compassion in business – this is a place where compassion hardly exists

How do we decide the parameters of compassion? When someone is in trouble and they ask for help is it OK to help them even if it means giving them drugs or razor blades?
How do we decide on when tough love is compassionate?
The media isn’t compassionate and cultivates gossiping, judgements, black and white storytelling to sensationalise and polarise our world.
Compassion is based on 'the golden rule', treat others as you, yourself would like to be treated.

Watch/read about compassion

Movies / Books / Plays that were mentioned.
Happy Go Lucky
Pay it Forward
Evan Almighty
Great Expectations
Les Miserables

What can we do about it?
We can be mindful of ways to be compassionate in everyday life, driving, in queues, in the street. Everyday acts of kindness to be made every day.
Do it individually, be compassionate with others!
Take these three questions to the next gathering of people we are at and discuss, bring it up in conversation, avoid gossip and judgements.
Pass the thinking on to our children by example.

Karen Armstrong's short video piece is here and worth spreading

Compassion

On Monday 7th December 2009 we are going to have our first Candied Thinking Tea Party to talk about 'compassion'. Fourteen people will be joining us.. individuals from all walks of life, all parts of the world and with many varied points of view. We're hoping for rich and rewarding conversations and we know it is important to share ideas and thoughts with others in a safe, friendly, open environment. We'll update the blog with some of the threads of the conversation from Monday's tea party.

A Candied Palette of Many Colours

We see that things aren't black or white and neither are they grey. When you mix people and ideas together you really get a rainbow of colours, a spectrum. Candied friends see all the different colours, don't just work with one or two. They can make art as well as number crunch. This blog will be about the colours and the mix we need in the world today.