Our Elders

What a conversation Our Elders provided.

We asked 'what role do our elders play in society?' One of the group offered up the notion that our elders are 'agents of love, agents of culture and agents of wisdom' ... in fact, the sense of our elders being living historians that we should cherish came up a few times. There was a feeling that we should go beyond valuing our elders for doing things or being productive and value them more for who they are and the lives they've lived.

We questioned the way society rewards productivity and as we age we are no longer productive and therefore no longer valued. Is it because we fail to value perspective and wisdom as they are non-productive roles? In fact, we challenged the notion that older people are less productive with the example of a known recruitment agency for over 55's being successful. We considered that society will need to adjust for older people to remain in the workforce and adapt positions to cater for their talents and their particular needs. It is likely that more people will start new careers at more advanced ages. Many of us agreed we would enjoy dealing with older people who often had more patience and were better at listening than youngsters who were in a tearing rush. Some in the group have very rewarding and enriching relationships with older neighbours or friends which they valued and felt valued through.

However, we also discussed how challenging our relationships with our elders sometimes are. Words like irritating, difficult, and self-centred rose up to greet us. There was much discussion, specifically how this challenge is particularly acute within families (as elders evolve in some cases into dependents), while a relationship strangers of different ages can be very rewarding as well. We found we didn't always pass the test in our own desire to be warm, caring and patient.

This emotional challenge is part of a practical challenge: it is not always easy to help as parents or grandparents began to need more support. Unspoken grievances or weak relationships made this difficult time even more so. Families could go into denial about what may happen and what needs to be done. Death and mortality is a frightening issue to confront and we need better language and understanding to navigate it successfully.

The sense of loss we discover when an older relative or parent changes through illness, be it dementia or other physical and mental frailties, can be confusing and straining. We discussed how older people need physical contact with people to help them stay healthy, and that this 'touch' naturally becomes more scarce as they grow older and lose loved ones or become more isolated from family. One person said 'we could all learn the benefits of a spirit of giving' and how this actually gives us back a lot of emotional well-being. How we could all focus on listening to each other rather than talking at each other. One person admitted openly that she felt afraid that she would be alone when she was older with no one to look after her.

This topic touches on the larger topic of social behaviour, in general. How can we improve the environment for positive interactions between elders and youth? One example is guerrilla gardening groups to improve social areas that have become unkempt - a way to bring people together around something fulfilling for all of us.

We thought about the way we have been brought up on the idea of 'independence' - is this the best approach to have? We discussed changing from independence to interdependence and bringing this to the fore in our lives. We discussed the need to design in 'interdependence'. One person spoke of a space in Portugal where a day care centre was in the same building as a nursery and how this created a wonderful opportunity for the elderly and the young to spend time with each other at these stages of life. Older people love repetition and younger people love repetition, by bringing them together they can support each other to learn and grow.

We agreed we need to learn to allow older people to set their own agenda rather than force upon them things we felt they needed. One person knew of age-centric groups that allowed their members to design the social issues they wanted resolved for themselves. We were in support of increased levels of social clubs and groups and learning environments for us as we age. We all recognised that 'silver surfers' (older people on the internet) were highly active and fulfilled.

Some conclusions:

We would like society to be more aware that not everything of value can be reduced to a number and that this habit was counter-productive.

We questioned retirement - the on/off switch where we were hamsters on a wheel for 50 years and then suddenly, stop working. This is changing and there are many implications...

We want to stop drawing distinctions between "us" and "them". The opportunities and challenges of getting older is something all face.

We feel we can find much more in common with older people and connect with each other in more ways as we age.

In the end, we acknowledged it is much easier to speak of ideals when you are not facing the practicalities of caring for an ageing parent or partner which can challenge our thinking about what growing older means and how it impacts the life we take for granted.

Thanks to all of you who came to the evening and made it such a wonderful conversation to be part of. Thanks to Colonel Mark Baker of The Royal Hospital for allowing us to enjoy the Prince of Wales Hall. Thanks too, to Virginia and Emma who helped us with the tea and cakes.

Our Elders Fascinate Us

We met last night in a lovely tea room at The Royal Hospital. We had a conversation that stretched us all in so many directions. We realised that our elders are...our elders. They can bring out the best in us and the worst as we struggle to satisfy their needs and meet our own needs. We are putting together the notes and will post them in the next few days. Thanks to Mark Baker at the Royal Hospital for his kind and generous support in providing a perfect backdrop and to all of our friends who made the time and brought such thought provoking light on the subject.

We're Having Tea At The Royal Hospital in Chelsea

We're delighted to confirm that our next tea party will be over at The Royal Hospital, Chelsea. What better location to discuss Our Elders? We're happy that Michael from Bellocq is serving tea once again. Hope you are able to join us for a Candied Conversation...on 13th September at 6pm.

A conversation about Our Elders...

We've just confirmed the next tea party on 13th September will be held in The Prince of Wales Hall at The Royal Hospital, Chelsea. Thanks to Colonel Mark Baker for his help.

Science writing

Great article in today's New York Times magazine on science blogging and language...
http://nyti.ms/bpmG6p

Our Elders

Another tea party coming up on 13th September from 6pm to 8pm on getting older and how we feel about it. This one should brew up a storm. Plenty to talk about.

Science

Here are the notes from our last conversation on Science. Why not take a break, look through and consider what Science means to you. Drop us a comment and let us know if you’ve had any thoughts since on this important subject.


Often we use the word science to refer to a very broad spectrum of activities… so part of the conversation focused on what is meant when we think & talk about “science”.

There was recognition between everyone present that science is the basis for our existence and also the basis of future progress. Science is creative thinking and problem solving. In its purest form, science is completely objective and dispassionate because it seeks to find the truth about things. And yet, there were a lot of questions, misgivings and concerns about how science is developed in terms of motives, economics and applicability / human relevance.

If science itself is the pursuit of understanding and how things work, then it is the truth of all things that exist. Therefore, in its purest form, science is amoral. The scientific method examines, develops hypotheses and then proves what is true with concrete evidence. Yet in many ways, science is driven by human fallibility – what are we exploring and why? Who is funding that work and why?

We drew a distinction between pure science and applied science or technology. There are many things that we can discover through science, but not all discoveries are applicable for society and human development.

As an example, we discussed the atom bomb, the Manhattan Project (the drive to develop it) as well as the role of the scientists who were involved, such as Robert Oppenheimer. What the team of scientists did as part of the work on the Manhattan Project undoubtedly marked a significant scientific development, but the science cannot be completely abstracted from the mission. Science needs humanity.

We also discussed our personal experiences with science and how we feel about our understanding of science. Whether due to unpleasant experiences studying science in our youths (e.g. high school chemistry!) or through illness in adulthood, many of us acknowledged that we are not “up to speed” with the biggest scientific challenges of our time.

Often, the media does not help with this. We need to seek more understanding of science, to keep ourselves informed, and we need the scientific community to make these developments more accessible and understandable, such that we can reflect on the implications and applications.

Just as we are obligated to engage in and understand scientific developments, scientists are obligated to acknowledge and explain when their discoveries lead to meaningful change for society.