Candied Thinking

Openness v Privacy

2011-07-12T08:27:00.000+01:00

Our conversation on “privacy versus openness” took place on 6th July 2011 at MyHotel Chelsea. Completely coincidentally, it was the same day the News of the World scandal broke (or was continuing to break…)

We explored a lot of different dimensions of the issue, and there was an overwhelming feeling in the group that the boundaries between open-ness and privacy are increasingly blurred. What do we have a right to know? What do we want to know? Who arbitrates that? What’s appropriate?

We asked what it really means to be “open” – is it about sitting on the bus and over-hearing personal conversations that others are having on their mobile phones? Is it about social media? We agreed that it doesn’t necessarily mean opening up all your private / personal information.

A concern was expressed around the proliferation of information and “noise” which sometimes overwhelms without being insightful or adding value. We concluded that open-ness has to mean more than that and the ideal definition of open-ness would be open hearts (not open mouths).

We talked about the difference between the internet and the media. The internet is a source of information for many things – it is a place you can go which, albeit unedited, provides a wide range of resources. E.g. you can find out information about products or experiences you are interested in from others who have experienced them… and in this case, you are doing the editing. While with the media, someone else is doing the editing – those editors choose the stories and the angles, they also drive the news cycles.

On the internet, we have learned to read for authenticity.

Some expressed the frustration around personal data being tracked by, for example, loyalty programs, and among those with this view, there was a level of resentment to commercial interest who “work” the data for selling opportunities.

Others observed the differences that social media and the internet have created in our lives – managing one’s identity requires different kinds of tools and techniques than previously. Do you “vanity google” yourself to check on how you appear online and what shows up about you? Do you manage that identity properly? What if you don’t? Will you be the victim of incoherence? Does pro-actively managing your identity help to ensure an integrity of voice? Or is it impossible in the new technology world?

In the end, we concluded that privacy and open-nes are opposing muscles which each need to be exercised. We are experiencing a new chapter in social literacy and we all need to learn it together.

Parenting

2011-07-12T08:19:00.003+01:00

We asked the question

How can we all contribute to a society that improves the chances of our young people?

First one said ‘education’ and others joined in to say the media has to present more realistic images of young people and show more opportunities that are attainable rather than just celebrities and pop stars. There are issues with the filters that normal society puts in for children with young children listening to pop music that is explicit and inappropriate – how does a parent protect them? They have the worries of an adult at young ages. This was a recurring theme of young people having too much information and knowledge at an age where they are not mature enough to make sense of it. One young child asked about rape?
How do we help them self-filter? So they have enough awareness to work out who they are and what is acceptable for them and unacceptable for them. This lead to a long discussion on conformity. One person noted that in the sixties although there was free love and drugs there was not so much pressure to conform. Young people let you be who you wanted to be. Others discussed this and that today young people are under pressure to dress right to have the Ugg boots and not fakes as people will look down on them. In previous generations people respected differences more. One key question was asked…who is responsible, where is the pressure coming from? How are we not all responsible for this pressure. The idea of belonging was a long thread of conversation – the idea of international and globalised childhoods and the potential impact on identity. Many guests were multi-cultural and multi-lingual and they were concerned about the impact on their children. Another discussed identity and its impact on our lives. We discussed the joint responsibility of schools and parents and the way we help our children develop a conscience and how do we make that happen or is it innate? The role of teachers and their impact on our children’s lives was touched upon. The difficulties for schools now with restrictions placed on them is reducing their care for young people. The idea of belonging came up again and again with one saying they had moved every three years as a child and so had no need to belong – they were used to establishing groups and could accept change easily. The link with independence compared to a need to belong was established. The idea of being different not better was opened up – where one person growing up in the Lebanon was brought up to see herself as better than others not equal but better. Was this something that now our children were missing out on – the idea that they were better or is this a positive move to equality? Another said as she was brought up Catholic, that was deemed better than everyone else. One said your need to belong should be to do with your passion – you belong to your own passion in life which means you are secure. The issue of having a voice came through now and that we need to help our young people to be heard and to have a voice. The idea that in Britain young people should be seen and not heard purveys- they are the problem in society and unwelcome. Their voice is important do we respect our young people? The USA affords more respect to young people. In London be quiet. The identity issues of one parent being Austrian and another Chinese – who am I? Where do I come from? This is being noted in a trend report concerning adapted ethnicity http://www.trendhunter.com/protrends/ethnic-influence
These people belong nowhere they are exotic with mixed identity and parenting issues. There is a huge cultural shift in Britain and how young people are treated and where that pressure is coming from.

They are being pressured to be a success and materialism is huge with the impact of consumerism. Children are showing signs of stress and becoming depressed and losing a sense of who they are. They are struggling with self-worth. They are becoming isolated and too connected via technology one person hasn’t spoken to son for ages but now just texts. There is no pride about being British. They are learning Mandarin in case the Chinese take over everything. No parents has huge implications for young people as the theatre group shows. They have no role models, get pregnant to have a flat, make girls pregnant and mourn loss of ability to be a real father. They are having a baby to opt out of society. They are repeating patterns of their elders. They want someone to love them and that’s the baby. Misunderstanding of what being a mother is all about it’s about doing and having responsibility

Parenting as a role is just not valued enough it is not revered. It takes a village to raise a child – where’s the village?

We can all nurture our young ones there are opportunities to bring old and young together and it’s so inspiring when it happens. What about bringing up children alone and if there aren’t grandparents no-one to protect the role of the mother – don’t speak to your mother like that.

Competitiveness is threatening so much. We need to build more ties to each other. To make new networks to connect with. Schools, neighbourhood groups. On the positive side they are adapting and may not need so much support.

Parenting, Feminine Values & Now Privacy

2011-07-07T12:35:00.000+01:00

We've been busy lately having conversations, so busy we haven't written up the last three. Sorry for that and normal service will be resumed shortly. Thanks for keeping posted with what's going on and we'll be in touch shortly with the latest posts and news.

First Birthday Survey

2011-02-28T12:55:00.002Z

Thank you for participating in Candied Thinking’s First Birthday survey!

Eighteen people responded to the survey, which included questions around the current Candied Thinking experience, the reasons people come and how we might build on it in the future.

Of those surveyed, 83% are currently involved in or a member of a charity or community organization, 61% belong to sports clubs or gyms and 50% belong to business networks.

Here are the top-line results:

1 The current experience was rated either “good” or “excellent” on all aspects. Specifically, those aspects that were rated excellent were:
- Quality of conversations
- Topics chosen
- The way the conversation is run (from small groups to large)
- Quality of information available before the conversation
- Timeliness and detail of invitations
- Choice of venues
- Start and finish times
And those that were rated good:
- People you have met
- Mix of people, diversity
- Notifications of blog updates
- Quality of blog updates
- Catering
- Price

2 The most cited reasons for coming to Candied Thinking included:
- To discuss interesting topics
- To meet new and diverse people
- To enable me to engage with others on important topics
And also:
- To nurture my interest in social issues
- To allow me time and space to think about my perspective on issues
- To have an impact on social change
Least important was:
- To visit interesting places

Comments and other reasons for coming to Candied Thinking:

I’m interested in having an impact on social change, but unclear on Candied Thinking’s role in that.

To be in a female environment – my work experience has been impacted by very macho cultures.

Visiting interesting places is important because it differentiates Candied Thinking and helps spark conversation, but it is not a key reason for coming. Social change would be a more important reason for coming if the discussions were focused toward a particular aim.

3 The following ideas were most preferred in terms of what people would like to see happen with Candied Thinking:
- Share conclusions more widely (e.g. press and selected organisations)
- Projects to get involved in meaningful charity / activities
And also:
- More expertise in the group
- More involvement in the choice of topics
- More time for discussion at each event
- More time for networking after the conversations
There was little enthusiasm for:
- More frequent events
- Bigger events
- Online network facilities

Comments and other thoughts about what people would like to see happen with Candied Thinking:

There are so many brilliant and inspiring brains in the room, it would be great to put them to good use.

It is interesting to have someone along as an expert to spark the discussion, but generally I like hearing about the different perspectives everyone has, because everyone has a valid viewpoint.

4 Interest was expressed in the following potential activities:
- Discussion on social issues with non-profit, government and/or corporates
- Activities and/or discussions with experts on topics of interest
- Cultural events linked to discussion (e.g. art, music, film, theater)
- Social projects with non-profit, government and/or corporates

There was less interest in:
- Volunteering activities
- Selection of charitable partner/organizations to support

Comments and other thoughts about the activities that would / wouldn’t interest people:

Sorry, but I have had enough of “experts” – part of the joy of Candied Thinking is the open and authentic conversation – the freedom of thought and expression.

A specific mission / purpose that went toward change I believe in is something I would very likely participate in.

I don’t see Candied Thinking as the vehicle for my charity activities as I fulfill this need through alternative channels.

5 94% of respondents prefer to pay by event versus paying a membership fee, with the following comments:

Until it develops further, the current structure is good… maybe then a membership fee would be appropriate.

It depends a lot on what you offer!

What about adding a voluntary donation for the venue hosting the event if it’s a charity?

6 Other final suggestions on how we could improve included:
I would enjoy meatier topics, as well as time and opportunity for networking.

I have benefited lots from the intellectual stimulation you have provided. My only concern is that it comes at a cost to you personally as it takes so much time and effort to organize.

At the end of the discussion, you could recap some of the key themes of our conversation. This would help create a sense of wholeness and closure.

Possibly smaller groups to follow per subject of interest with an action plan.

I absolutely love Candied Thinking. I think it satisfies a lot of needs – certainly in me – for exchange of ideas, views, desires, info. Being around other intelligent women is a buzz.

If you have any further comments or input, please contact us anytime!

All the best,

Noël & Sarah

Compassion II

2010-12-16T11:55:00.002Z

Our latest conversation took place one year to the day of our first. On 7th December 2010 we asked ourselves and discussed the following questions: where is compassion learned? can it be taught? can we actively practice compassion? is it tied to religion or culture? does our "consumerist" culture pose a challenge to a compassionate mindset?

We agreed that compassion is about understanding, empathy, kindness and generosity. It is almost a primitively human desire - to help others. The word itself is telling: "com" meaning "with" passion.

Understanding and relating to others is critical to one's ability to be compassionate. We discussed examples of appeals in advertising (e.g. children born with cleft lips) as well as personal experiences of individual circumstances (e.g. when ill or in hospital) where our understanding and empathy with the needs of others played a significant role in our ability to be compassionate.

We had a discussion around the need to teach compassion - and how we do so. The role of the family and the role of the educational system. There was a feeling among the group, that compassionate thinking / behaviour should start at a young age, and that there are ways the educational system can help. Various examples were given by parents as to how they have talked to their children about compassion, and the kind of activities schools are undertaking to bring compassion into the classroom.

We also discussed how religion and culture play a role in our desire, ability and inclination to be compassionate. Do Muslims give more? Do Americans give more? What aspects of culture enable compassion? Is western consumer culture subverting compassionate behaviour in our society?

There was recognition among the group that compassion, for the most part, is a choice. And sometimes, it is a instinct. We asked ourselves if sometimes selfishness plays a role in acts of compassion. One cannot "expect" compassion back when given - it is something to be given and not regarded as a favour or something to be even acknowledged. Most of us tried to express the kind of satisfaction that comes when we have been compassionate - it is almost undescribable.

Some of our conclusions:
Compassion is a choice.
Understanding makes compassion possible. Understanding requires time and a willingness to see things from others' point of view. Stories can help us achieve this understanding.
Culture and community play an important role in our ability and inclination to be compassionate, and sometimes, our culture does not encourage compassion.
Compassion is something that is undertaken with no expectation of a return.
When it comes to being compassionate and living in a more compassionate community, we must lead by example.

Compassion II

2010-12-09T08:46:00.002Z

We held our second Annual Conversation on Compassion inspired by the 2009 Karen Armstrong TED talk. We're writing up the notes and will be posting them shortly.

Our Elders

2010-09-23T10:03:00.002+01:00

What a conversation Our Elders provided.

We asked 'what role do our elders play in society?' One of the group offered up the notion that our elders are 'agents of love, agents of culture and agents of wisdom' ... in fact, the sense of our elders being living historians that we should cherish came up a few times. There was a feeling that we should go beyond valuing our elders for doing things or being productive and value them more for who they are and the lives they've lived.

We questioned the way society rewards productivity and as we age we are no longer productive and therefore no longer valued. Is it because we fail to value perspective and wisdom as they are non-productive roles? In fact, we challenged the notion that older people are less productive with the example of a known recruitment agency for over 55's being successful. We considered that society will need to adjust for older people to remain in the workforce and adapt positions to cater for their talents and their particular needs. It is likely that more people will start new careers at more advanced ages. Many of us agreed we would enjoy dealing with older people who often had more patience and were better at listening than youngsters who were in a tearing rush. Some in the group have very rewarding and enriching relationships with older neighbours or friends which they valued and felt valued through.

However, we also discussed how challenging our relationships with our elders sometimes are. Words like irritating, difficult, and self-centred rose up to greet us. There was much discussion, specifically how this challenge is particularly acute within families (as elders evolve in some cases into dependents), while a relationship strangers of different ages can be very rewarding as well. We found we didn't always pass the test in our own desire to be warm, caring and patient.

This emotional challenge is part of a practical challenge: it is not always easy to help as parents or grandparents began to need more support. Unspoken grievances or weak relationships made this difficult time even more so. Families could go into denial about what may happen and what needs to be done. Death and mortality is a frightening issue to confront and we need better language and understanding to navigate it successfully.

The sense of loss we discover when an older relative or parent changes through illness, be it dementia or other physical and mental frailties, can be confusing and straining. We discussed how older people need physical contact with people to help them stay healthy, and that this 'touch' naturally becomes more scarce as they grow older and lose loved ones or become more isolated from family. One person said 'we could all learn the benefits of a spirit of giving' and how this actually gives us back a lot of emotional well-being. How we could all focus on listening to each other rather than talking at each other. One person admitted openly that she felt afraid that she would be alone when she was older with no one to look after her.

This topic touches on the larger topic of social behaviour, in general. How can we improve the environment for positive interactions between elders and youth? One example is guerrilla gardening groups to improve social areas that have become unkempt - a way to bring people together around something fulfilling for all of us.

We thought about the way we have been brought up on the idea of 'independence' - is this the best approach to have? We discussed changing from independence to interdependence and bringing this to the fore in our lives. We discussed the need to design in 'interdependence'. One person spoke of a space in Portugal where a day care centre was in the same building as a nursery and how this created a wonderful opportunity for the elderly and the young to spend time with each other at these stages of life. Older people love repetition and younger people love repetition, by bringing them together they can support each other to learn and grow.

We agreed we need to learn to allow older people to set their own agenda rather than force upon them things we felt they needed. One person knew of age-centric groups that allowed their members to design the social issues they wanted resolved for themselves. We were in support of increased levels of social clubs and groups and learning environments for us as we age. We all recognised that 'silver surfers' (older people on the internet) were highly active and fulfilled.

Some conclusions:

We would like society to be more aware that not everything of value can be reduced to a number and that this habit was counter-productive.

We questioned retirement - the on/off switch where we were hamsters on a wheel for 50 years and then suddenly, stop working. This is changing and there are many implications...

We want to stop drawing distinctions between "us" and "them". The opportunities and challenges of getting older is something all face.

We feel we can find much more in common with older people and connect with each other in more ways as we age.

In the end, we acknowledged it is much easier to speak of ideals when you are not facing the practicalities of caring for an ageing parent or partner which can challenge our thinking about what growing older means and how it impacts the life we take for granted.

Thanks to all of you who came to the evening and made it such a wonderful conversation to be part of. Thanks to Colonel Mark Baker of The Royal Hospital for allowing us to enjoy the Prince of Wales Hall. Thanks too, to Virginia and Emma who helped us with the tea and cakes.

Our Elders Fascinate Us

2010-09-14T10:32:00.000+01:00

We met last night in a lovely tea room at The Royal Hospital. We had a conversation that stretched us all in so many directions. We realised that our elders are...our elders. They can bring out the best in us and the worst as we struggle to satisfy their needs and meet our own needs. We are putting together the notes and will post them in the next few days. Thanks to Mark Baker at the Royal Hospital for his kind and generous support in providing a perfect backdrop and to all of our friends who made the time and brought such thought provoking light on the subject.

We're Having Tea At The Royal Hospital in Chelsea

2010-09-07T18:07:00.000+01:00

We're delighted to confirm that our next tea party will be over at The Royal Hospital, Chelsea. What better location to discuss Our Elders? We're happy that Michael from Bellocq is serving tea once again. Hope you are able to join us for a Candied Conversation...on 13th September at 6pm.

A conversation about Our Elders...

2010-08-31T20:54:00.003+01:00

We've just confirmed the next tea party on 13th September will be held in The Prince of Wales Hall at The Royal Hospital, Chelsea. Thanks to Colonel Mark Baker for his help.

Science writing

2010-08-01T18:48:00.001+01:00

Great article in today's New York Times magazine on science blogging and language...
http://nyti.ms/bpmG6p

Our Elders

2010-07-30T13:02:00.000+01:00

Another tea party coming up on 13th September from 6pm to 8pm on getting older and how we feel about it. This one should brew up a storm. Plenty to talk about.

Science

2010-07-07T14:42:00.002+01:00

Here are the notes from our last conversation on Science. Why not take a break, look through and consider what Science means to you. Drop us a comment and let us know if you’ve had any thoughts since on this important subject.

Often we use the word science to refer to a very broad spectrum of activities… so part of the conversation focused on what is meant when we think & talk about “science”.

There was recognition between everyone present that science is the basis for our existence and also the basis of future progress. Science is creative thinking and problem solving. In its purest form, science is completely objective and dispassionate because it seeks to find the truth about things. And yet, there were a lot of questions, misgivings and concerns about how science is developed in terms of motives, economics and applicability / human relevance.

If science itself is the pursuit of understanding and how things work, then it is the truth of all things that exist. Therefore, in its purest form, science is amoral. The scientific method examines, develops hypotheses and then proves what is true with concrete evidence. Yet in many ways, science is driven by human fallibility – what are we exploring and why? Who is funding that work and why?

We drew a distinction between pure science and applied science or technology. There are many things that we can discover through science, but not all discoveries are applicable for society and human development.

As an example, we discussed the atom bomb, the Manhattan Project (the drive to develop it) as well as the role of the scientists who were involved, such as Robert Oppenheimer. What the team of scientists did as part of the work on the Manhattan Project undoubtedly marked a significant scientific development, but the science cannot be completely abstracted from the mission. Science needs humanity.

We also discussed our personal experiences with science and how we feel about our understanding of science. Whether due to unpleasant experiences studying science in our youths (e.g. high school chemistry!) or through illness in adulthood, many of us acknowledged that we are not “up to speed” with the biggest scientific challenges of our time.

Often, the media does not help with this. We need to seek more understanding of science, to keep ourselves informed, and we need the scientific community to make these developments more accessible and understandable, such that we can reflect on the implications and applications.

Just as we are obligated to engage in and understand scientific developments, scientists are obligated to acknowledge and explain when their discoveries lead to meaningful change for society.

Smart women not having children?

2010-06-30T13:17:00.001+01:00

Fscinating new research from Pew...
http://blogs.hbr.org/hbr/hbreditors/2010/06/more_women_manage_to_have_it_a.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+harvardbusiness+%28HBR.org%29&utm_content=Bloglines

Luxury Is A Feeling

2010-04-26T13:29:00.000+01:00

We met at a most luxurious space, Bellocq on the King's Road, Chelsea. We spent two delicious hours tasting teas and describing our ideas of luxury. There were many thoughts mixed in to create a blend of experiences that, to our group typifies, luxury.

Ideas of a luxurious experience ranged from a private yacht with a crew to take you anywhere in the world to the simplicity of the luxury of time to spend with friends. The idea of being able to go to the cinema during the day was seen as an act of luxury.

Luxury was discussed in the context of being earned or achieved, where for some this was 'wrong' and luxury should have no such attachments, for others, this was part of the pleasure; a reward for hard work, an indulgent sanctuary.

The idea of luxury being a feeling was explored and expanded to mean a feeling that lasted, rather than a quick fix feeling of the latest 'must have' item.

One discussion led to the observation that we may 'say' one thing and 'do' another. We may 'say' we like the simple things in life, but actually be demonstrating through our purchases that we 'buy' our luxuries. In other words we may be hypocrites.

The subject of art came up and one of our group had the understanding that some buy into art as a symbol of success rather than a real love of it and others buy it for its own intrinsic quality and the feelings it evokes. For some they buy something that symbolises status as they have been schooled by our culture in this way.

Love was mentioned as the ultimate luxury and another felt this would be a complete contradiction to their idea of luxury. Love was a necessity, not a luxury.
We then wondered if we were putting too much pressure on the word 'luxury' and perhaps this was distorting our understanding of how to be happy and fulfilled.

The same level of discussion was reached when we thought of 'childhood' as a luxury. This again was seen as a right and not as a luxury. It was also discussed that each generation's ideals change and the desires change. Each generation treasures items that are scarce and these may change over time.

One person had been to the Gambia and shared the contrasting culture of ownership and security where anything could be taken by the State. The lack of laws and the randomness of society created a different set of values and suggested that security and a society with infrastructure could be seen as a luxury. However it was also seen as interesting that in many poorer countries people didn't necessarily see themselves as poor or there wasn't any sense of being poor. This was felt to be different to a city such as London where people had levels of debt or there was greater levels of obvious difference in lifestyles.

Time was seen as the ultimate luxury by many, the time to spend with friends, the time to be alone, the time to choose. In fact the luxury of being able to choose a government was contemplated as something many people on the planet strive towards. So this took the conversation to a point where luxury was linked to control... to have control over one's life was the valuable luxury we are all seeking.

There was another line of conversation which identified some of the style and lifestyle of Italy and France to be luxurious and more generous with their devotion to food and their attitude to life itself being more luxurious. The rituals and experiences of shared mealtimes, social gatherings and cooking.

When we discussed how to make our lives more luxurious one person brought in their experience of caring for an elderly relative as being a wonderful experience and that to be able to offer her a graceful and meaningful 'end of days' was a luxury. Many felt that to bring more quality to the smaller aspects of life, shopping, choosing food and to allow ourselves the luxury of doing a job properly and not just cobbling it together was something to be desired.

Ultimately it was seen that we could live more luxuriously if we simply lived for the moment, every moment.

Luxury

2010-04-13T07:48:00.002+01:00

Thanks to everyone who joined us last night for a night of luxury. Conversation and tea tasting.
Michael and Ravi at Bellocq were wonderful in sharing their interest and understanding of the variety of teas and tastes. We'll be writing up the notes of the night and posting them up very shortly.

Not Just A Pretty Face

2010-03-31T12:25:00.003+01:00

Here goes:

Outcomes of the Conversation
“Not Just A Pretty Face”
15th March 2010
New Players Theatre, London

Here, at last, is a summary of the many conversations and points of view expressed during our evening together. Each Conversation Summary is supported by the actual notes from the boards that experts used in deciding which points to bring to the stage.

Dr Linda Papadopoulos chaired the event and opened the session by explaining her personal and professional commitment to shedding more light on the subject. As a mother, as a psychologist and as a clinician she was bringing her experiences together to challenge current stereotypes, cultural trends and highlighting the resulting problems in society and daily life.

Dianne Nelmes made the point for the Media conversation that women are often their own worst enemy. She had experienced this herself with 'women who don't like other women'. It was also expressed within the group that women can become extreme when they do reach the boardroom. At one end of the spectrum 'apologetic' and at the other 'overly aggressive'. The group also wondered if current media 'pairings' on TV of an older man (Bruce Forsythe) with a younger woman (Tess Daly) would be acceptable if reversed, with a younger man and an older woman. It was believed that we have also become extreme in our fascination for media images of attractive women and that this is disturbing in an age of greater freedom of expression leading to too much influence on the younger generation to achieve the perfect physical appearance.

Media:
• Support each other
• Women in the board room
• Image – Bruce Forsyth with Tess Daly?

--------------

Dr Malcolm Evans led the Culture conversation and pulled out the point that it was more important to look at issues of power and control than gender. That this was the struggle and where there was an opportunity for a new way of re-balancing the divide. The view was held that whereas men were overtly competitive women had learnt to compete covertly, talking behind each other's back rather than being openly competitive. The conversation also stated the need to celebrate difference rather than stick to the narrow 'equality' lens of the past.

Culture:
• Distortion of femininity (e.g. Mumsnet) from supportive to bullying – would balance help? – over versus covert competition
• Power and control almost more important to address than gender differences – nature versus culture
• Peace and reconciliation – we need to recognize and celebrate differences both within women and male versus female

--------------

Interestingly Davina James-Hanman's conversation on Social Policy also took 'power' as its central point. This conversation also recognised the need for a joined up approach in social policy which brings media into the mix rather than simply being on the 'outside looking in' or just 'reflecting' the world. This is a topic in its own right as it has fundamental issues and points of principle entangled within it. There was also a realisation that boys need to brought into the discussion too, parents can empower their sons to have a broader and more enlightened perspective.

Social policy:
• How do we preserve “feminine” values whilst seizing power (are there feminine values?)
• Give girls dreams beyond looking good – change boys’ behaviors, too
• “Parenthood” not “motherhood”
• Social policy change not enough – need public education and supportive media, and some heavy-handed legislation / social policy

---------------

Karen Darby led the conversation on Entrepreneurship which created the insight that often women believe they have to be the expert in the enterprise rather than simply be able to exploit the market opportunity. This was illustrated particularly well by a well respected Yoga teacher who has a male competitor who cannot teach at all, however understands how to commercialise the service very well. Karen's group again echoed the need for women to support each other more. Their group came up with the idea of 'unity not uniformity' which resonated widely which again challenged the idea of 'equality' meaning 'the same as.'

Entrepreneurship
• Women are interested in baking the pie versus taking a slice of it
• Does “equal” mean “same as”?
• Nurture each other

---------------

Kresse Wesling lead a conversation on the Environment and brought to the stage the idea that we all need to be more pro-actively involved in the environment and ask questions as consumers, citizens and voters. This group believed that grassroots movements in local communities fitted with the way we can create change and progress in this area. Learn in small ways and then upscale them to create successful, sustainable environmental enterprises. They also asked for a refocus on seeing security in terms of the ecosystem and man's place on the planet rather than simply as military power.

Environment
• Engage positively, pro-actively as consumers, citizens, voters
• Build networks – successful local ideas / actions and upscale them (e.g. community power)
• Redefine security (human, eco not military power)

---------------

At the final plenary conversation, lead by Dr Linda Papadopoulos, the key thoughts that came through were:

• Working together with difference – widen out the gender issue away from equality to equal yet different
• Engaging with politicians in issues that matter to us e.g. environment – use conventional political process to make change
• Women supporting women and liking women, stopping the ‘covert’ competition, helping each other succeed like men do
• Making a difference within our circle of influence, start to change attitudes, support the change process
• Talking to our sons as well as our daughters, (this one got a chocolate cupcake as reward) respect all that women do including motherhood
• Valuing motherhood like a profession (ref passport applications which do not reflect this)
• Finding new ways of having conversations – removing polarity
• Unity not uniformity – don’t all have to be the same – in this way social norms change.

At each Candied Thinking event, no matter which topic we cover, we receive generous feedback on how we can improve and learn from the experience. We thank everyone for their participation and their generosity of spirit and sharing their ideas and ideals.

Please comment on the blog, correct any errors or add to any points that you may care to.

Watch out for more Candied Thinking events coming soon, starting with Luxury on 12th April 2010.

Not Just A Pretty Face

2010-03-16T13:29:00.000Z

We'd like to say a big thank you to everyone who participated last night. Both on the stage, in the stalls and behind the scenes. Anyone who has ever held a party knows that a lot goes into it and we're so delighted that such a lot has come out of it. We are writing up the notes and the key thoughts from last night and will be posting them shortly. Any comments from you are warmly welcomed. Participation is what makes the Candied Thinking events come to life and that's
the same here.

New Report by Dr Linda Papadopoulos out today

2010-02-26T07:11:00.002Z

Dr Linda Papadopoulos launches her review on the effects of the sexualisation of young people today. She shows the connection with violence against women and girls. Dr Linda is joining us at Not Just A Pretty Face to help us have a better conversation about this very important social issue. Please make time to be part of the conversation. We can't do it without you.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8537757.stm

Book your tickets for Not Just A Pretty Face on www.newplayerstheatre.com

Social Networking

2010-02-20T17:32:00.002Z

On Wednesday we had a conversation which was described in the visitor's book “As sweet as a cupcake, as heart-warming as a cuppa, and as controversial as the Boston Tea Party", so we seem to be getting the pot boiling nicely. Here are the notes from the conversation...

Social networking and the internet

What we love
Social networks are empowering! You can connect with anyone, anywhere. You can access the “long tail” of information. You can learning about anything. It’s free! There are no barriers to getting in / getting involved. It enables people in remote and poor countries in new ways. It provides unprecedented choice. It has the potential to affect massive social change. It’s transparent.

What we’re not so sure about
There are a lot of nutcases out there... You don’t know who’s who. Working out who is “for real” requires different skills and behaviours online than face to face. Some of us are afraid that if we engage too much online, we / society will forget how to engage in person. It sometimes feels “too easy” - all that access, all that information, has all that opportunity has exacerbated our culture of instant gratification and superficiality?

Some thoughts
How different is interacting on the web from interacting face to face? We filter, based on certain characteristics – when face to face, we filter by look, body language, etc and sometimes those visual triggers get in the way of our connecting with the other person. On the web, those layers don’t exist – or do they? How do we know who’s authentic in person? How do we know who’s authentic online? In each case, we decide based on lots of factors... That won’t ever change.
Is it possible to get to know someone well through the web? Is it only our “best selves” that tweet, email and blog, and is that a fair or realistic perspective on someone?
Some of us have head great experiences, some of us have had weird experiences... That’s true virtually and live! Some of us have made friends online, and met them only a year later! Some of us have met boyfriends or husbands online, was he/she what we expected?

Our questions
what are the new codes of behaviour for a mixed media world?
how do we learn how to use social networks in a productive way?
how do we work out who is “safe” and who is not?
how is it really affecting society, especially younger generations who have grown up with it?

Candied Thinking - Social Networking

2010-02-17T23:34:00.000Z

Thanks to everyone who made the time to come to The London Sketch Club and to share their views of social networking and its risks and rewards. We'll be updating the blog shortly - check back again soon.

Not Just A Pretty Face

2010-02-11T23:23:00.007Z

Candied Thinking in association with Funny Women invites you to a conversation entitled:

‘Not Just A Pretty Face’
If women were running things, how would the world be different?

A Cultural Forum at the New Players Theatre Doors open 5.00pm, Conversation 5.30pm to 7.30 p.m.
Part of the ‘See You Next Tuesday’ cultural festival
Produced by Funny Women and Candied Thinking

These are tough times - we are faced with broken social support structures, a volatile economic system, continued violence against women, religious conflict and war.

Women are a powerful force in affecting change in the world. But we need to learn how to get our views heard, lead and influence at all levels. It’s not just about making decisions, but how we explain those decisions, communicate them, and use our psychological, emotional and intellectual strength to make a difference.

Any change will be aided and abetted by those things that reflect our culture – like media, music, art, film, theatre and sport. What we read, watch and talk about in our everyday lives is conveyed to our friends, family and colleagues via a new generation of social networks, both real and imagined.

As women we have to accept our own complicity in this cultural conundrum – the media reflects what we demand: celebrity, diets, fashion, cosmetics… Media content is revenue driven, so we can’t expect it to change our culture unless we demand it – until we insist on something else, we will just get more of the same.

It’s time to start changing the culture. Our discussion starts where the anger and violence ends and focuses on the future. Whether you are a creative or business person, social worker or stay-at-home mother, man or woman, you are a necessary part of this conversation: If women were running things, how would the world be different?

The line up of speakers includes:
DR. LINDA PAPADOPOULOS, is one of the foremost counselling psychologists in the UK, and is well known as a media psychologist, author, magazine columnist and corporate consultant. She recently published a review of the ‘sexualisation of women and children’ for the Home Office.
KAREN DARBY, social entrepreneur and founder of the price comparison business Simply Switch, she recently created Call Britannia and through it, is on a mission to create 10,000 jobs for the UK's unemployed.
DR. MALCOLM EVANS, semiotician, consults to major brands on cultural issues, helping them to communicate in a relevant and progressive way. Malcolm is twice winner of the Market Research Society's conference awards and winner of WPP's Atticus Grand Prix Award for outstanding published work.
DAVINA JAMES-HANMAN, director of the Greater London Domestic Violence Project. She was a Home Office advisor, and worked on the government’s strategy to stop violence against women – she has worked in the field for over 15 years.
MARAI LARASI, director of Imkaan, a national organisation that supports and advocates for Black, Asian, Minority Ethnic and Refugee services as well as those experiencing violence and abuse.
DIANNE NELMES, is one of Britain’s leading lifestyle television creators. She launched the award winning This Morning; Stars in their Eyes and You’ve Been Framed and was the first Controller of Daytime television at ITV where she created the iconic daytime panel show, Loose Women.
KRESSE WESLING, is an environmental entrepreneur, founder of Bio-Supplies, Baballo, Yew Clothing and EaKo. She won the Entrepreneurial Woman of the Future award in 2007 and EaKo won the 2008 HSBC Start-Up Stars Green Award.

This forum is being hosted by leading female comedy producers, Funny Women, in partnership with the social impact initiative Candied Thinking. The event takes place on Monday, 15th March during a two week festival to celebrate International Women’s Day, See You Next Tuesday, which runs from 8th to 20th March and plays host to a programme of cultural activities based at the New Players Theatre.

Funny Women has been at the forefront of cultural change within the comedy industry for eight years. With the launch of the 2010 Funny Women Awards, there has never been more talented women active on the comedy scene. The competition has gone from strength to strength and now attracts over 250 new female comedy acts a year from across the UK and beyond. We’ve seen hundreds of new and established performers over the last eight years and shown that women really can be funny. A small, but significant step in changing comedy culture.

Candied Thinking is a social impact initiative that brings together groups of sweet natured, serious minded people to discuss important issues in a fun and light spirited way. Its main objective is to create safe environments for people to engage in issues that may be controversial or challenging. This approach, conversation not combat, supports the idea that through the right kind of conversations, we can affect social change and build the right kind of world. Candied Thinking is run by Sarah Farrugia & Noël Theodosiou, two friends and colleagues, who bring their professional experience of research and planning to real world issues.

See You Next Tuesday has been conceived by the producers of V-Day London 2008 and 2009, and is part of the global V-Day movement to end violence against women and girls in which local artists produce events and performances to raise awareness and funds. In the last two years the festival has featured innovative re-imaginings of the controversial classic The Vagina Monologues and the new collection A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer, by writer, campaigner and V-Day founder Eve Ensler.

The festival showcases fantastic feminine and feminist talent for an action-packed two weeks, and aims to encourage discussion about all aspects of violence against women, including gender, sexuality, identity, equality and more in a lavish and experimental playground of fancy.

If you have a view about the future, a passion for conversation and a desire to make change happen, join us.

Tickets £25 to include tea and cake. FOR MORE INFORMATION about this event and other shows within the festival please check out the See You Next Tuesday website www.newplayerstheatre.com. www.funnywomen.com or email stuff@sarahfarrugia.co.uk

Laughter

2010-01-24T17:56:00.002Z

Thanks to all our friends who joined us at Megan's on Thursday. Here's a few of the key thoughts and ideas that came out during the evening.

Our topic was laughter:

- What makes you laugh?
- When do you lose your sense of humour?
- What can we do to put more laughter in our lives?

Laughter is infectious. Sometimes it’s surprising.

Laughter bonds people – sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. It helps us to separate ourselves from other people or manipulate people… for example, laughing at each other and therefore keeping people in or out of a conversation or group, making fun of them and bringing them down. Think of politicians, celebrities and popular culture (sometimes it’s funny to see important people brought back down to earth). Often, it is used as a defense mechanism and in the media, it can be really cruel.

We laugh a lot at ourselves, perhaps as a way of protecting our situation or excusing it.

On the positive side, laughter helps us to trivialize difficult issues. Laughter brings us together when there is tension and can diffuse it. Laughter can bond a group of people. Think about office situations and teams…

We don’t all find the same things funny – what’s that about? Cultural? Sexual? Psychological? Emotional? Intellectual?

Sometimes men use humour in different ways from women…this can affect us in the workplace. Women can be “laughed” into bed – but can men? Is it possible to have an intimate relationship without humour and laughter?

And sometimes women find it harder to be funny and be taken seriously at the same time. How and when can women use humour and laughter more effectively?

In a sense, laughter is a control mechanism in society. While it builds barriers, it can also break them down. Often, when we stop and think about it, we are not really proud about how we use humour and laughter.

Laughter is not the same as a sense of humour. You can think something is really funny, but not laugh!

Physiologically, laughter is a spontaneous reaction – it’s involuntary, it’s like sneezing! There is something really physically good about laughing – and laughter can be a therapy – how can we laugh more for our health?

Laughing is not something we do enough of! We want more of it, but we don’t focus on it… It’s feels like an impulse we have as children and then lose – like our inhibitions and our spontaneity… are we, as adults, concerned or self-conscious about laughing in ways we don’t need to be?

You can be happy without laughing, but a sense of humour can help you to find happiness despite your day to day stresses.

A book to read

2009-12-14T19:18:00.001Z

A friend gave me a lovely book for Christmas: "This is Water - Some thoughts, delivered on a significant occasion, about living a compassionate life" by David Foster Wallace. He only ever gave one commencement speech in his life, and this was it - to Kenyon College in Ohio. Check it out!

Compassion - the conversation continues...

2009-12-10T11:17:00.002Z

In some ways, technology and compassion seem opposed (the internet has enabled “instant judgment”) and people don’t always think before they write, but in other ways, it is a vehicle for compassion, a window onto the world of other’s suffering and a shared platform to bring people together

Compassion is...
...looking for a common denominator
...about listening and hearing what someone is saying or feeling, not assuming
...putting yourself in someone else’s shoes

Compassion is also contagious – when someone is compassionate with you, you want to be compassionate with others, you look for something nice to do, you pass it on. It’s also an energy (ref. The concentric circles as per Confucious) - you have to be in the right space to be compassionate – you have to be a little fearless.

Compassion takes courage – and it forces us to look at things differently.

You can only be compassionate if you take down your armour / your layers of protection. Walls prohibit compassion, but a wall can’t go on forever. There is always a way to find compassion in yourself and in others.

The word 'compassion' comes from the Latin word for suffering.. With ‘com’ it means “suffering together”

When we are most compassionate, we are operating from our best selves...
...we are able to find what is good in other people

When we lack (or lose) compassion...
...is often when we are not sufficiently close to the subject of our compassion (e.g. The media is like this)

Often, we lose our compassion in business – this is a place where compassion hardly exists

How do we decide the parameters of compassion? When someone is in trouble and they ask for help is it OK to help them even if it means giving them drugs or razor blades?
How do we decide on when tough love is compassionate?
The media isn’t compassionate and cultivates gossiping, judgements, black and white storytelling to sensationalise and polarise our world.
Compassion is based on 'the golden rule', treat others as you, yourself would like to be treated.

Watch/read about compassion

Movies / Books / Plays that were mentioned.
Happy Go Lucky
Pay it Forward
Evan Almighty
Great Expectations
Les Miserables

What can we do about it?
We can be mindful of ways to be compassionate in everyday life, driving, in queues, in the street. Everyday acts of kindness to be made every day.
Do it individually, be compassionate with others!
Take these three questions to the next gathering of people we are at and discuss, bring it up in conversation, avoid gossip and judgements.
Pass the thinking on to our children by example.

Karen Armstrong's short video piece is here and worth spreading

Compassion

2009-12-04T09:30:00.003Z

On Monday 7th December 2009 we are going to have our first Candied Thinking Tea Party to talk about 'compassion'. Fourteen people will be joining us.. individuals from all walks of life, all parts of the world and with many varied points of view. We're hoping for rich and rewarding conversations and we know it is important to share ideas and thoughts with others in a safe, friendly, open environment. We'll update the blog with some of the threads of the conversation from Monday's tea party.

A Candied Palette of Many Colours

2009-10-21T15:28:00.001+01:00

We see that things aren't black or white and neither are they grey. When you mix people and ideas together you really get a rainbow of colours, a spectrum. Candied friends see all the different colours, don't just work with one or two. They can make art as well as number crunch. This blog will be about the colours and the mix we need in the world today.